


Until Then, Just Let Me Chase This Sun

by TheFire_in_the_NightSky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Recovering, Established Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, M/M, Memory Loss, Metaphors, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Not Canon Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Poetry, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Recovered Memories, Steve Rogers Feels, Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 12:15:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19905565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFire_in_the_NightSky/pseuds/TheFire_in_the_NightSky
Summary: You're in love with WinterThe cold catch of breathIn direct opposition to a warm flushOn cheeks that forgot how to formThe vulpine grin that once delighted youAnd steam escapes through lipsSaying your nameBut not really knowing it..._______________________________________________A headcanon/hypothetical scenario in the time during Bucky's recovery pre-CA: Civil War. Some of the most difficult parts to deal with are the dark spots in his memory, one of which blots out personal and intimate details of someone he should know, nearly as well as himself - the self that is not the soldier. Someone who loved him before, and in the aftermath. Or so he’s been desperately and passionately told.Steve just wants the most important person in his life to stop looking at him as if he's a threat or a target - some form of disposable stranger. But then there are days he catches a glimpse of the “old Bucky” clawing his way through the darkness that Hydra had shrouded him in. And those are the days that give Steve a reason to hang on, to remain steadfast and hopeful by Bucky’s side, for the both of them - just as Bucky had for him all those years ago. This poem details that hope.





	Until Then, Just Let Me Chase This Sun

**Author's Note:**

> ***Inspired by the Puscifer song, "Autumn."**

You're in love with Winter

The cold catch of breath

In direct opposition to a warm flush

On cheeks that forgot how to form

The vulpine grin that once delighted you

And steam escapes through lips

Saying your name

But not really knowing it

Under boot heels, the crunch of dead leaves

That used to shade you

You remember standing in the shadow

Of that climbing tree

But now sprawling branches,

Like arms outstretched, hold no warmth

No shielding in their bareness

The deepest chill took that away

You watch one last leaf, trying to hold

With its shift in colour

Float and fall upon the snow in muted red

Deep down where hope dwells– 

Lonesome and longing, you know

You're the Spring that

Always followed the thaw

  
  


Waiting for a sprig of life

To push through the layer of frozen loam

On the surface of cynicism

Casting out everyone else's doubt

You watch out frost-hazy windows,

Peering through sharp-edged buildings

Praying for a glimpse passed the ice

Held in limbal rings 

Drawn ‘round blue familiarity

So you sleep with a spectre until then

Because it's not yet the end

And you haven't drawn the line

You'll just keep pushing it back

As if this is what your strength

Was always meant for

There's always another season of change

You are nothing if not a stubborn man

And you've gotten much too used to the cold

To feel the pain of its bite now

Standing vigil during

The longest Winter

Ready to die of this exposure

And dangers gone dormant

Willing memory that slipped away

To bring back that one bright flare

That cast light against the shadows

In your former life

It's so like the nebulous fog 

Of a dream upon waking;

Uncanny, uncomfortable

You reach through,

Tugging at wisps that threaten

To fade and leave you

Bitter and heavy in your chest– 

Frostbitten once more

But you know, ignoring the odds

Because it's still all there

It has to be; there is no alternative

After all, he never really left

And neither did you

You stay through the Winter

Patience and allegiance

Drawn and painted in hibernal shades

You'd tear out the page

Or erase it and restart upon 

That snow-white blankness;

Colour it anew in 

Solstice permutations

If only you had the proper tools

But maybe your muse

Has already stretched and primed

A new canvas to keep

Within an old gilded frame

That ghost has come back to haunt

You seek out the footsteps

Creeping through your living room

Wonted and automatic

Some have said,

Autumn brings shift and rebirth

You quell that hopeful yearning

Just until you're sure it's over

That it's real and he is whole

Until you've both run the length

Of that thousand-yard-stare

White poppies in a vase

On the smudged coffee table glass

And sunbeams cast through walls

Of clear window panes, bring forth

Long-awaited clarity into the room

A single form watches there

As day continues its ascent

Pages covered in graphite marks

Litter the couch like pieces of a puzzle

Finally fitting together

You approach that familiar silhouette

Framed in the home of your skyline

Shoulders and back

Strong like your recollection

That gaze turns on you, quiet

Assessing and _remembering_

A knowing smirk you needed more

Than the oxygen in your lungs

And you know

When the sun casts molten orange over

Silver fingers that reach out,

You're still in love with Winter– 

As easily as you both breathe

But metal doesn't have to be cold

It is warm, it is him

Like the rasp of a voice

Finally wrapping tight around your name

Just as you've kept his, over a lifetime

**x**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)  
> Comments, kudos, & feedback are ever appreciated!


End file.
